


guilt of a guard

by revior



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Universe, Catholicism, Complicated Relationships, Domestic Fluff, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Third Person, Pre-Canon, Prompt Fic, Religious Guilt, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:11:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26210152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revior/pseuds/revior
Summary: or the one where nicky deals with religious guilt after realizing his feelings for joe[also called miscommunication throughout time]
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova & Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that follows this prompt: [Prompt](https://theoldguardkinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/2726.html?thread=562854#cmt562854)
> 
> (to the person who requested this: I hope you enjoy it!)

**STORIES OF THE OLD // ORIGINAL VERSIONS // RELIGIOUS GUILT**

* * *

Nicky rubbed his temples and sighed.

_What the hell were you thinking?_ he said to himself. _You knew very well that what you were doing was a sin and goes against everything you stand for, so why did you do it?_

He heard a knock on the door. "Nicolo?"

"Not right now, Yusuf," responded Nicky. "I need some time to think, okay?"

The man in front of the door waited a bit before answering. "I know what you're thinking, Nicky. You're not doing anything wrong."

"But I am, though. You know that too."

"I thought we've been over this," objected Joe.

Nicky stood up and walked around the room, thinking of what to say. For a split second, he considered letting Joe in, but he knew that he probably wouldn't be able to keep calm if they were both in the room. "Yusuf, God put us on Earth with a gift. He expects us to follow His word all the time, as we're his warriors. And what we're doing is being sodomites and going against His word, even if everything is clear to us."

"What's clear?"

"We are two and two. Two girls, two boys. If you look at that then it's obvious to you that the two of us shouldn't be together, but instead should be with the women, because that's His word and His will."

Yusuf walked into the room after that, not waiting anymore to be invited in. " _He_ never told you what _He_ wants, so you shouldn't rely on some text that a few guys wrote, probably even drunk. And you don't even know if you can have kids, so there's no point with being with them. You love me, I know you do, and I love you too. What God would deny us the right of being together if He knew about how we felt?"

"But what if everything we're doing is a sin? I've been reading the Bible and I've been talking-"

"I told you not to do that anymore, Nicky."

"You can't stop me from reading it."

Yusuf sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know that I can't stop you from reading it. But don't come to me and tell me that you want to fuck when you get horny. I'm not your eternal servant, even if you probably wish I were sometimes."

And with that, he headed out, ignoring Nicolo's gasp behind him.

* * *

Quynh just stared at Nicky when the latter walked into what they called the common room. There were a few chairs and one big table, but somehow they usually ended up sitting down on the floor next to the table, as it made them all feel closer to each other and that's exactly what they wanted.

"What?" asked Nicolo, irritated because of the conversation he had with Yusuf not long before. He expected that Joe would come back and tell him that everything would be okay, but that didn't happen.

"Yusuf just talked to us," casually replied the girl. "You do know that there is no way that either Andy or I will be involved with you romantically at any point in the future, right?"

Nicky was taken aback by how direct that statement was. But yes, that's exactly how Quynh was. She never cared much for being polite to others. "Why would you say that? I mean, how can you even say that for sure?"

"Well, it's clear that you and Yusuf are meant for each other. You've been together for hundreds of years, first fighting and killing each other for decades until finally admitting that you have feelings for one another, feelings that can't fade away, no matter how strong your faith in the fact that your God apparently doesn't support your relationship is." Quynh was obviously against that belief. In her mind, everyone deserved some sort of love story, and one that happens throughout the decades is even better. "And then, second off, I doubt that either Andy or me are ready to take on the emotional responsibility that would come with being involved with either of you."

"I feel like that's not all there is."

"I mean, there is the fact that Andy and I are most likely made for each other too. But I don't think either one of us are completely ready to admit that yet. So for the time being, just take everything I said before as a fact and what I said right now as a supposition of sorts. A supposition that possibly won't come true, especially if one of us somehow runs out of time. Not being immortal anymore and all that."

"Both of you still have a very long time before your immortality runs out. Or whatever you want to call that." Nicolo seemed very sure of his words, but he wasn't sure whether he was reassuring Quynh or himself. Probably both, to be honest. "But how am I supposed to know if God is okay with my relationship with Joe?"

Quynh looked the boy straight in the eyes. "That's up to you. I think you'll just be able to tell one day, and that day will hopefully be sooner or later."

Nicky realized that he received little to no answers, or at least that's how the whole situation seemed to him. A part of him knew very well that what he had with Yusuf was special and it could never fade entirely, but another part of him thought that maybe if he just ignored it for long enough, the feelings would go away and hopefully even the memory of ever involving himself as a man.

"I have one more thing to say to you, Nicolo," added Quynh. "I just want to tell you one thing. Andy can tell you that back around the era when Christ lived, people weren't against two men or two women eloping or even living together. They let people live in peace and do whatever the hell they wanted. Even in the original version of the Bible, there is no mention of God being against those who elope with people of the same sex. They talk about being against pedophilia, and nothing else. If you want, I'm sure somebody can acquire you one of the original versions. And you seem to be skilled in Latin, so it won't be hard for you to make your way through it."

Nicolo looked at the girl, his eyes open wide. "They... weren't against it?"

"Of course not, why would they be? I mean all these animal species do the same thing as us, I mean what makes it so much different from anything?"

Quynh's words still resonated through the boy's head. He wasn't sure if she said all of that just to convince him that his relationship with Joe was alright or if she was actually serious. "How sure are you of that? And when can you get me one of the original versions of the Bible?"

"I'm extremely sure that what I said is true. Andy isn't the sort of person to lie, is she?" Nicolo nodded at that. She really wasn't. "And I can get you one of the original versions pretty soon, I just need to locate them. These new priests seem to have tried to erase all signs of it in history. Oh, and one more thing."

"What is it?"

Quynh laughed for a few seconds before recollecting herself and looking Nicolo straight in the eyes. There was a huge smile on his face as she told him something else. "I'm sure you know this, but what's done is done. So even if your God is against any sort of same-sex relationships, then it might be too late to do anything."

"If I continue doing this, then it means that I'm actively sinning against him, even after having heard his word."

"First of all, you're not sinning. And second, do not pick and choose. You drink alcohol, cut your hair, and do other things, all of which the Bible, both the original and this version, forbids. So I don't think you should be worrying about your sodomite relationship. You should just focus on having a good relationship with Him." With that, the girl stood up, put the locks of her hair behind her ears, and walked out of the common room, leaving Nicolo all alone to his thoughts.

_What she said is probably entirely true, and that's what scares me._


	2. Chapter 2

"I heard you were still beating yourself up for nothing," noted Andy, walking into Nicolo's bedroom without a warning. "I already told you that you shouldn't do that. And I think Quynh told you the same thing."

"I don't have a choice, Andy. It's against God."

"Now which god is that?" she asked, pulling the curtains to the sides and waking Nicky up completely. "I won't hesitate to lock the two of you into the same room for a decade and make the two of you realize just how much you enjoy each other's company. Or lock you in separate rooms to realize just how much you need each other."

Nicky just laughed it off. The girl probably wouldn't do that, but he could never be completely sure so he preferred not to try her. "What do you want me to do then?"

"I want you to actually follow your heart, not something a random stranger says. I know it might be hard for you, but that's something you just need to learn how to do because if you don't, this eternity will be a lot longer than it would be if you just stayed with Yusuf."

Nicolo covered his face with a pillow. "I don't want to go to hell after an ending eternity here. Because even if this one seems endless, that one truly is."

"You don't know that for sure, Nicky. Why would you spend thousands of years doing something you don't really wish to do. I mean, I'm sorry to remind you, but your immortality could run out at any point - or Joe's for that matter - and then you wouldn't have the choice to go back into the past and undo what's already been done."

With that Andy walked out, leaving Nicolo all alone to his thoughts. Nicolo considered running out of the room and directly into Yusuf's room, but something about that didn't sit right with him, even if it was very tempting. But that was exactly what he had to work against. The temptation of it all.

Instead, Nicolo got up and dressed. He dressed in clothes he had worn the day before as he would go swimming later and it would be useless to ruin brand new clothes. He went into the common room and started to make himself breakfast.

He quickly threw a few things into a pan and waited for a bit before quickly eating it all. He also got himself a glass of milk at the side, the milk Yusuf probably went out to get the night before when he disappeared without a trace.

"Good morning," said the well-known voice behind him. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well, Joe. How did you sleep?" asked Nicolo in return, unsure whether he asked that to be polite or if he was genuinely interested.

"I missed you by my side. But it was a calm night, a night without any complications if that counts for anything."

Nicolo nodded, looking at his long-term partner sitting in front of him. He forced his arms to stay by his side and not fly right over the table and pull the man close and kiss him. But that probably wouldn't end well, either in something that would end in the bedroom or something that would break the common room table that was used by all of them. And he didn't want to do that to either Andy or Quynh.

"I'm sorry, Yusuf. I need time, you know that..."

Joe nodded, stretching his hands out, waiting if Nicky would hold them like he used to. "I understand that, and I want you to take your time. But I need you to know that we're here for an eternity. And you're a holy man. Which means that God would in no way think that you're doing anything wrong. You can't even have kids, which means there is no point in you being with a woman."

Nicky put his palms on Yusuf's, tracing circles with his thumbs. The softness of Joe's skin made it feel even harder to resist going back. It brought back all the memories that they had created together throughout the time they were together. "Joe, I don't know if I can really ever get over the fear that God will hate me if I'm with you. And I don't want to pick between you and him."

"I don't expect you to pick. I just wanted to tell you that there's no reason at all for you to worry so much. It will all be okay and even though you're scared of anything, I'm here for you. But consider this a reminder that you were made this way for a reason, and God would never make you struggle like this."

Nicolo just nodded and smiled. He was unsure of how to respond, as his mind would probably never get rid of the problem, even if he truly wanted to do so. "So you'll wait for me? If I take my time to come to terms with everything, will you still be here for me and still love me as you do now?"

"I'll probably love you even more than I do right now, Nicky. My love for you just grows stronger throughout time, which is why it's so hard to stay away from you. But I want you to understand that I would and will do anything for you, no matter what. So if you need to take your time to take those crazy people's incorrect rambles out of your mind, that is what I'll let you do."

Nicolo had to admit that it was really hard to not just run into Yusuf's hands, but he knew that if that happened, the thoughts would come back and he would disappoint Joe a second time, which was exactly what he was trying to not do. "I promise you that I'm doing all of this for you, Joe."

"I know."

"And I want you to know that I won't forget you, ever."

"Don't worry, I won't let you forget me."

"I'll hold you by that."


	3. Chapter 3

Nicolo loved Yusuf. That was a fact, an undeniable fact that everyone knew about. Believers tried to tell them that it was forbidden for two men to be together, but they knew better.

But even if they were both aware of the fact that they loved each other, there was always the issue of the guilt. Nobody ever told you how much guilt can get stronger over time, especially if the miscommunication lasts multiple centuries, and that's exactly what was happening between the two. And nobody could really take away the guilt of a guard.

"Are you awake?" asked Nicolo, knocking on Yusuf's door. "I can't sleep."

"You know how my sleeping schedule is, Nicky. I don't sleep much."

"I know, that's why I came here," admitted the Italian man. He wasn't wearing a shirt - that's how he always slept - but now he started to regret it. Although Joe has seen him naked countless times, it felt different. He quickly decided to just ignore it since he remembered that Yusuf didn't sleep entirely dressed either. His sleeping attire usually consisted just of underwear. And sometimes even nothing.

The thought of that made Nicky's cheeks blush, and he was glad that it was too dark for the other man to notice that. Joe moves to the side of his twin bed. "What's up?"

Nicolo takes that as a hint and walks up and sits down next to who he considered his soulmate. He just couldn't be with him and that bothered them both.

"I've been thinking about everything. You're way too good to me, you know?"

"No, I'm not too good to you. You, on the other hand, are too good for me."

"False."

Yusuf laughed, caressing Nicolo's bare arm. "You really think that you don't deserve everything when you really do. And I need to make you realize that you do deserve the world. Also, even if we have an eternity for me to prove to you that, I want to get it over as soon as possible so we can be happy again."

"It was nice when we were happy back before I messed it all up again, wasn't it."

"You couldn't have done anything about it, Nicky. You just have a habit of listening to others, which is exactly what got us into this mess in the first place."

"This is a funny way of saying that it's all my fault," said Yusuf. He took his blanket and covered both of them together. He ran his fingers down Nicolo's torso and kissed him lightly. Nicky tensed up and shivered at the touch. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that..."

"No, it's fine. I liked it. I'm just scared of how I'll end up feeling in the morning."

"I don't want you to do anything that'll make you feel bad later, Nicky. I don't want you to feel guilty for something you're not responsible for."

Nicky kissed Yusuf. "I have to tell you that I'm pretty responsible for all of this. You just haven't realized it yet."

"That's a funny thing to say," chuckled Joe. He towered himself over Nicky, breathing right down at him. "How about we agree that we would both be responsible if something happened? Hypothetically speaking, of course."

"Now, what in the hell could happen?"

Nicky moved his head up for a bit and kissed Yusuf. His boyfriend - or something of the sort since they seemed to be on a 'break' - returned the favor and kissed hm back. "You really are something, Nicolo."

"Don't you dare start with the strange sort of admiration for me. You shouldn't have to treat me like that. Like you said, we both share the exact same amount of responsibility for anything that happens right now."

"I really don't want to be anticlimactic, but this awfully reminds me of all the times you killed me because you were to admit that you were in love with me too."

Nicky laughed for a full minute, breathing the hot air out of his mouth at Joe's face. "I already told you that I'm sorry for that."

"Do you realize how many time we were about to have sex before you brutally slaughtered me? I think we both lost count at some point."

Nicky caressed Yusuf's side and pulled himself closer to himself. "I want you to know that I really love you, Yusuf. You are the love of my life, a life that isn't bound to end anytime soon, but I want you to know that I don't know what I can do to stop the guilt from taking over me once it all starts again."

"I already told you that it's alright, Nicolo. I want you to take your time with everything so in the end when you finally get over the guilt we can be together forever without any more complications. The last thing we need is to rush things right now and then set the progress that we've done so far back."

"Thanks for understanding," whispered Nicky into Yusuf's ear. "But I want you to know that even though it feels like both of us have to become prudes because of our behavior, nobody said such a thing. We've been at this for centuries and we don't need to stop now just because something like this happened."

"What do you want us to do then? Because even though I hate to admit it, I don't exactly want to become a prude."

Nicky kissed Joe's neck a few times before Joe started to nip his ear softly.

"Well, we could do anything you wanted. And right now, I will do anything you want me to do. Because even though you might feel like you're doing it for yourself, you're really doing it for me and not yourself. You're not selfish for doing anything like this, you know. You're basically just doing the right thing."

"So does that mean we can continue what we're at right now?"

Nicolo wrapped his legs around Yusuf's waist and ran his fingers over his lifetime partner's back. He moved to his ear and whispered softly, "If that's what you want."

"Not to sound rude or anything of the sort, but it feels almost as if I need it right now."

"I feel the exact same way."

And so the two continued what they started, Nicolo quickly taking off his underwear and shirt and doing the same to Joe. He kissed him one more time and then the two did what they did thousands of times before, not even thinking while they did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here in the end I thought about writing the smut, but I decided against it as I want to make it more important and write it as a marking event later on in the story. Thanks for understanding.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I will be updating the story very soon.


End file.
